Zen Mommy 1.0

There is a famous Buddhist tale about a cup of tea. If you can hold it in your hands and feel the warmth, breathe in the aroma, feel the hot steam on your face, each sip becomes much more than a sip. It is no longer a cup of tea, but a whole experience to enjoy and savor. There are days I try to remember this. Motherhood is a constant challenge to be present. Some days I get impatient. If Phoebe misses a nap or wakes up in the night, or gets cranky (which is not very often) I have to fight my rising irritation. There are days I am just exhausted or more focused on getting things done; making breakfast, packing lunch for school, watching the clock to get bath time and books done before it gets too late, that I forget to stop inside those beautiful moments. But when I do, I am filled with a calm and joyful feeling of motherhood.

Last week, we had a beautiful Spring streak of good weather. We were out in the park, on the big swings with Phoebe sitting on my lap butterfly style. Up and back we went, hanging onto each other, swinging and singing and enjoying the day. I felt it when she climbed onto my lap at bedtime and wanted to be rocked like the baby she once was. Wasn't it was just a moment ago that I rocked her to sleep in that chair? Now we barely fit on it together. But we rocked, and we sang and she let me hug that delicious frame tight. Mama and her sweet babe blissfully as one. Even on the rare occasion when she wakes up from a nap, crying inconsolably, I just hold her, smell her hair, hum a calming tune and wait for her cries to slow and come to a rest. The other night, Jeff was home for bedtime and sat with us in the flop spot while we read books. Phoebe took a blanket, put it over his legs and hugged his knees. She looked up at him and said, "Handsome Daddy." My heart just swelled. In those moments, I am the Zen mommy I'd like to be. I am present with my girl and nothing else in the world exists. The trick is to tap into those calm places all the time. That why I'm only at 1.0. Perhaps someday, I'll progress to the next level. Or worse, I'll go back to work and be more stressed and too tired to see those moments when they come. I hope that's not the case. I also hope I win the lottery, but I won't hold my breath. For now, I'll take the moments as they come, knowing full well that this time won't last. The only constant in our world is change and a change will certainly come. Phoebe is changing and growing all the time. These days she likes to say "I'm a big girl." Or "I'm growin' up." Yes, my sweet, all that is true, but not so fast, okay?

Pre-Krazy

There are many ways to drive yourself crazy as a parent of young children, but in New York City, none seems quite as nutty and blown out of proportion as the pre-school process. For me and Phoebe, it began back in September. After doing some research and figuring out which schools were in our area, talking to other Moms and trying to get a sense of the process, I settled on 6 local schools to try. There seemed to be a lot of hype around certain schools like All Souls- who have a lottery system for applications and the 92nd Y where you had to be rich or famous, or both to get in.

The day after Labor Day is D-Day for applications. I had my Mom, my cousin and two of my own home phones at the ready to start calling. It reminded me of trying to get hot concert tickets, back in the day. Some schools had their applications online, some were just busy all day long. We managed to get through to all of our selected schools. Then came the applications. Most were brief information oriented forms. Some asked for pictures. All wanted at least $40 for the privledge to apply. One school, Epiphany, wanted $170 for their application. We decided to pass on that. Then came the interviews, the tours and the "playdates" for the kids. Nothing seemed to put parents into more of a panic than how their child performed at the playdate. Take a 2 year old at nap time to a place they've never been and anything can happen. One school, Temple Sharaay Tefila, I respected for the fact that they did not interview parents or children. They said it was pointless pressure for families to endure. I agree. All this hype and stress for the priviledge of paying from $13k to $20k for a part time program for your 3 year old. How insane is that? If you live in the suburbs, you sign up for your local school and you go. No big deal.

So after the tours, the meetings and the playdates, the waiting game begins. It takes until March for the schools to pick their families. Moms are all abuzz when the letters are going out. I haven't felt this level of stress and competition since my college admissions process. As it turns out, Phoebe got into our two favorite programs; Sharaay Tefila and the Harvard of Upper East Side Pre-schools, All Souls. She was wait-listed at two others ad declined at one. My heart was always with All Souls. I have been volunteering there at the Soup Kitchen for the last 6 years and Phoebe has had several classes in the building. I was truly impressed with their facility and the teachers and the philosophy. While they are housed in a Uitarian Church, their program is completely secular and diverse. But my decision would not be so easy. There was a possibility that I could get financial assistance from the Temple, and I would not be one to turn down free money. I tried to wrap my head around being a part of this reformed Temple, of having Phoebe's ciriculum revolve around Purim and Shavou'ot and Passover. She would take conversational Hebrew and attend Shabbat for Tots on Friday. Nothing wrong with all that. I am proud to be a Jew, if an atheist Jew, and I want Phoebe to understand and embrace her heritage, but al that will come. I was a bit overwhelmed by having to get so involved so soon.

In the end, the scholarship money did not come through, but Grammy and Grampy did. They are making it possible for Phoebe to start her school years off right. We accepted All Souls this week. She will start a 4 day a week, afternoon program in September. When people tell you your kids childhood will go fast, this is what they mean. She's not even 3 yet, and she's on her way. My little Phoeb-star is about to embark on a great school experience. I'm just along for the ride, trying not to get too crazy about it all

The Big Loop

Twice a week, I now have 2 hours to fill while Phoebe is in class at Kidville. We usually walk to 84th & 3rd- which is mostly uphill- a great morning workout while pushing a 40 lb. stroller. Once Phoebe is happily ensconced in her playdough or blocks or books, I take off and try to make the most of my time. It would have been great to take a yoga class or spinning or some form of exercise, but of the 6-8 places I checked in the area, none have classes at the 11 o'clock hour. Oh well. I guess I'l have to resort to the best form of NYC exercise- walking. If I need to do some grocery shopping, I hit my favorite gourmet grocer- Agata & Valentina back @ 79th & 1st, buy some fish for dinner, stock up on their yummy coffee and sesame noodles and maybe some homemade ravioli that Phoebe loves. Then I need to hit D'Agostinos for the basics like milk and toilet paper. By then, I'm loaded down and need to head home with the bags. I unpack, have a sip of water and head back for the big loop to 84th & 3rd by 12:30 to meet Phoebe in the gym. It doesn't seem like a big walk, but from East End Avenue, everything is a big walk. Mondays are also my night to serve at Soup kitchen, so after nap and dinner and bath, I leave Phee with one of my babysitters and walk back over to Lexington and 80th. Another big loop on the Upper East Side. By the end of the day, my dogs are barking. I'll come back to a (hopefully) sleeping girl and perhaps may have earned some flop time in front of the TV. My feet are aching, my legs still tingling, but it's all good. On Wednesday, I get to do the big loop all over again.

Tet 3.0

Soon after Phoebe came home from Vietnam, we were invited to our first NYC Tet celebration. Diana and 9-month old Liana (who had been back from the very same place Phoebe had lived for about 5 months) welcomed us over to their place. Both my parents and Diana's parents were there happy to celebrate with their new grand children. We ordered in Vietnamese food and dined in style. Two years later, Diana has a new little girl, Julia, 14 months old and full of smiles. She came home with Diana just 3 weeks ago from Kyrgystan, in the former Soviet Union, and she is a pure delight. For this year's Tet Celebration (it is the Year of the Tiger) we added two more Moms and three more girls to our party. Phoebe and I hosted Carol and Sammie, Elly, Margaret & Celia and Diana and her two daughters. Grandma Lynn and Jonfer also stopped by to say hello and share in the fun. The fare was bagels and lox this time and good fun was had by all.

Phoebe is at an age where we are starting to talk more about where she was born and how we became a family. We have a new colorful map on the wall and she can point out where Vietnam is and is likely to tell you, "I lived there." I get to show her where I lived in India and Australia and London too. When new people come to our home, she asks them to show her where they were born. Living in NYC, it seems everyone is from somewhere else. It's fun for her to see that everyone has an original story to tell. For some reason, the picture of Big Ben is her current favorite. We line up the chairs and the bunnies and all get on the bus (or the train or the car) for a trip to London. Maybe we'll get there together someday. That would be wonderful. Until then, we are happy in our little home, having friends over, looking at the map of the world and dreaming of all the place we will go.

Off to Fla-la-la

A week in Florida would never be my ideal vacation, but with my Parents now ensconced there for the winter- off we went! (Phoebe said: "We're going to Fla-la-la!") I can't remember the last time I went to the Sunshine State. My Grandparents lived in the Fort Lauderdale area when I was younger. My friend Carol and I were routinely sent down there during Spring Break over Passover. Our days were filled with cards and bingo and trips to the pool. My parents Florida did not involve Bingo. We were so happy to be together, we didn't care that the weather barely got above 50 degrees. We were bundled up much of the time, but we still managed to get to Del Ray Beach, have a dip in the community pool, and take a trip up to See Alana and Keith in Jupiter. Phoebe was thrilled to be back with Grammy Mika, Grampy Bob and Bromley. The house they are renting was spacious and open. We visited Devy and her singing Lobster. and even had a quick visit with Ruth Weiser (aka Sha-mommy). It may not have been warm, but it was warmer than our freezing winter in NYC. We'll take it. A little time with the ones we love is always worth the trip.

Phee & Bun go to school

It's not exactly school. It's not even pre-school. But twice a week for the past 3 weeks, Phoebe has started a separation program at Kidville called KVU- Kidville University. Like many of the classes she has taken in the past 2 years, it is filled with fun activities like art and books and music. There's 45 minutes in the gym at the end of each class where Phoebe (and Bun) get to jump on the trampoline, hang on the bars and play hide and seek (Phoebe calls it Hide & Peek) with her lovely teachers; Jess, Carmen, Sonia and Cyrene. The class is made up of 12 two-year-olds. Some have been doing the separation thing for awhile and say good bye to their grown-up with ease. Others are new to this drop-off game and there are tears. Sometimes lots of tears.

The first week, I stayed for class on both Monday and Wednesday. It was wonderful to see how well Phoebe does in new environments. She's amazingly adaptable. The second week, I left after the first hour. Phoebe was not happy to see me go. I wasn't too thrilled to be leaving her in tears. I was able to hang out in the hallway and peek in to see how she was doing. Eventually, she calmed down. Perhaps that moment was harder on me than it was on her. In the third week, I tried to leave after just a little while. Again, tears and lots of clinging on to her ever-present Bun, always a comfort in hard times. But this week, Phoebe was ready. Over the weekend we talked a lot about "School" and how she goes by her "Self" and Mommy does errands. She would say out loud, "Mommy will meet me in gym." She was processing it all, getting ready for the Monday morning drop off. Today, on the way to class she told me she might "cry a little." The she said "Bun might cry a little." I told her she could comfort Bun so she wouldn't be sad and I'd meet them both at gym. The hand-off was seamless. Neither Phoebe or Bun cried this time and Mommy is happily ensconced in Starbucks across the street with time to update my blog. My little girl is growing up, taking one little step at a time towards the life that awaits her.

My Intrepid little traveler

A trip home from Vermont by car shouldn't take more than 4 hours. When it takes 11 hours, you can expect a 2 year old to lose it at some point. Not our Phoebe. She was a travel trooper to make her Mama proud. We were about an hour into our trip south when the car started acting funny. Jeff said he could feel it jumping under him and thought it might be the transmission. We had just gone through the bustling downtown of New Lebanon, NY and quickly turned around cajoling the car to make it into the local gas station. From there, we called our road service provider. They suggested a flat bed truck to the nearest Audi dealership. Phoebe thought it was an "adventure" as we climbed into the cab of Frank's tow truck. Twenty squirmy miles later we landed in Pittsfield, Mass at their local car dealer. We unpacked our snacks and whatever toys and books we had on hand. The dealership had some puzzles and toys handy in their lounge and we settled in and waited to learn our fate. It could be worse. It could have been night time, it could have been further from our path. I could have been with anyone else or no one else. Phoebe was amazing. She made friends with the car salesman, played hide and seek around the cars and basically just amused herself. When we finally learned it was a wiring problem stopping the gas from reaching the engine, we were given a clean bill and sent on our way.

Back in the car, way past naptime, we drove through the beautiful towns of Lenox and Great Barrington. I've never really explored that area, but it made me want to go back someday. By dinnertime, (still no nap) we decided to stop in Westchester for some food. Jeff knew a local Italian place near where he used to live. He called some friends nearby and they came over to say hi. Peter and Julie were impressed by how grown up Phoebe seemed. Our little one had noticed that she and Peter were both wearing stripes. She said they were "Similar, but not the same." (yes, a proud moment for Mom.) Back in the car (still not sleeping) we made it all the way into the city and all the way upstairs with a fully awake girl. We had left Vermont at 10:30am and arrived back in NYC close to 9pm. It reminded me of our 5 hour delay flying out to LA last summer and the very first trip we took together from Vietnam to Hong Kong to Home. 22 Hours with my Intrepid girl. If she could handle that, she can handle anything. I can't wait to see all the places we will go in the future– hopefully with fewer delays and a lot more fun.